Mom Cubed.

The Hardinge Ladies

Hello adult world, it is nice to connect with you even if only for a brief moment. Due to the fact that I have pretty limited time to use both of my hands at once, I have decided to blog in list format. I have a lot of thoughts to sort out and share, so pardon any random order.

  • Pre-eclampsia is stressful and exhausting. It can move from being controlled to very scary in a matter of minutes. I thought my heart might jump out of my chest. However, the magnesium sulfate the doctor placed me on to stop pre-term labor and help with my blood pressure was worse. I literally could not open my eyes. I think it is the closest I will ever feel to using meth or crack. It made me swell as though I had swallowed a 5 pound salt block. Awful.

Feeling fine one minute...

...and it can get pretty ugly the next.

  • As scary as it was for me to be that sick, it was harder for Tommy to see all of those people rush in when it got really bad because he felt so helpless. I just wanted to hug him, but I was hooked up to more cords and straps than an over-packed car topper.
  • I had four hours to mentally prepare myself that I was having the babies that day instead of two weeks later. It was a weird feeling because I would have done anything to end the discomfort, but I suddenly felt like I wasn’t prepared to be a parent even though I had eight months to wrap my mind around the thought.
  • The nurse asked me if I wanted my catheter put in before I was numbed by the spinal. People actually take that option?!
  • The spinal shot was no big deal. The I.V. is 10 times worse.
  • The doctor started the surgery before they got Tommy and my mom. He had to walk in and see his wife cut open, which he was not prepared for. He doesn’t get grossed out, it’s just not a position you want to see someone you love in. As a result I spent most of the surgery comforting him to let him know I was okay and I couldn’t feel what they were doing. This was the best thing that could have happened because I was distracted and didn’t have time to think about the details of surgery. I DO get grossed out.
  • A C-Section is the strangest thing that may ever happen to me. I knew that behind that curtain my abdomen was being cut open and I could feel everything he was doing, but I couldn’t feel the pain. I could feel the relief after each baby was taken out and I had further confirmation that Jovie was actually in my ribcage due to the nurse having to jump on me so the doctor could reach her. And I didn’t like hearing the staple gun.
  • At the end of the surgery I heard the nurses counting over and over. I got concerned and asked what they were counting. The anesthesiologist told me they were counting tools to make sure none were left inside of me. Whew. Keep counting.
  • No one told me about the incessant shaking that occurs for hours after delivery. I thought I was having a seizure…the nurse kept telling me its “normal”. This needs to be added to all pregnancy books.
  • Growing up I wondered what it would be like to hold my baby after she was born, never once in those dreams did I have to wait for a stranger dressed in scrubs to give me permission to hold my baby or did that baby have monitors and I.V.s hooked up to them. This reality check was very difficult for Tommy and I.

    Holding Jovie for the first time

  • The NICU may be the best and worst place all at the same time. I can’t really put into words what this means, but I am sure you understand. I/we spent many many hours there. I cried every day. Most of those nurses should get paid double whatever it is they do right now, especially Jeana who snuggled each girl overnight while we were home sleeping and made sure they always had cute clothes and clean, warm bedding.
  • The girls had to sit in a car seat without any “spells” (trouble breathing/pulse drop) for 90 minutes before they were allowed to go home. Although they never had a single spell the entire time they were in the hospital, it was the longest 90 minutes of my life.

    Sienna passing her test!

  • Isn’t it amazing how everyone else on the road becomes the worst driver you have ever seen when you are transporting your babies home from the hospital?
  • How many times checking breathing is considered O.C.D.?
  • Tommy is the most amazing hands-on daddy I have ever seen.  He practically runs in the door from work to pick up a baby and snuggle her.

    Tummy time with Daddy.

  • The shower has become my sanctuary in the house. It is the only place I am ever alone.
  • Producing enough milk for three babies is a lot of work. I have made it 5 weeks. The doctor wants me to make it to 4 months, if I can stay sane doing it. I hope I make it to 2.
  • I didn’t know newborn babies squeaked so much. I am trying to learn to sleep through those and only wake for the cries. It isn’t going so well.
  • Tommy and I would literally be sucking our thumbs and rocking in a corner if my sister, Shannon, did not move in with us to help and give us a break. My mom has also provided much relief and we are currently in the process of moving in with my parents so we can sell our town home (looking for one?) and build a new house with many bathrooms.

Aunt Shannon

  • I am pretty honest, and you can judge me if you would like to, but there is a big part of me that mourns the life Tommy and I had before babies. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade them for the world, but Tommy and I miss our quiet freedom. We have been together over 8 years now and this is a huge change for us (obviously). We miss going to bed at the same time. We miss eating supper at the same time. We love our girls. They are perfect. We love each other in a whole different way now. Neither one of us could survive this alone. We are trying our best to have 30 minutes a day together where we don’t talk about babies, it doesn’t always happen, but we are trying.
  • I am really sad about quitting my job teaching 5th Grade. I thought I would be okay with it, but packing up my classroom brought on a sadness I didn’t expect. Once the girls are in school, I look forward to hopefully teaching again.

    Oh classroom, how I will miss you so...

  • I think the hardest part about having multiples is not being able to hold each one myself every time they need held. I usually can pick up two fussy babies on my own, but when the third starts crying and no one else is around, my heart breaks. I want to give each baby ample “mom time” and I want them to know that I don’t think of them as a set, but as individuals.
  • Everyone bringing meals is a Godsend. I am pretty sure we would forget to eat if no one brought meals.
  • Our friends and family are incredibly generous. From gifts to diapers to clothing to kind words. We are so blessed to be surrounded by such great support and love. You are amazing. We love you more than we could tell you without it being too awkward for you.

    The Lucs' and Megan helping out!

  • I can’t believe my one body grew three perfectly functioning babies. My body will never be the same as it was, but I love it’s new imperfections. I feel like they are battle wounds and survival tattoos.
  • God is amazing. How can anyone not have faith in God when they see a baby that is born all put together and functioning?
  • I know I am bias, but man… we made some cute babies.

3 fashionistas.

1 Month old!

Showing they are "strong" healthy babies!

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15 thoughts on “Mom Cubed.

  1. yes, indeed… you do make cute babies! They are beautiful little girls, as are their parents. God is so good… you are triply blessed beyond measure! 🙂

  2. You will find time for you and Tommy. And as they get older, Great Aunt Sarah will be glad to take them overnight like I use to take you and Jake, and Steffi and Stacey. I think you are wonderful parents, and I think you make VERY beautiful babies.

  3. I COMPLETELY understand the mourning of your previous life…and I only had one at a time. All I can say is I promise it will get better! You and Tom will be able to eat again together, albeit in another year or so…., but you will! When we come in August, you and Tom should go out for a quick lunch out. Aunt Cathy did this for us when Collin was little and it was such a blessing! An hour or two away will do you guys some good!
    I love you, Tom, and those three precious babies so much! August cannot come soon enough!

  4. Hi! I am Tom’s fifth grade teacher and a friend of his mom’s. I just wanted to say that your blog post is so honest and real. You are awesome parents! Your babies are so blessed to have two parents who love them and each other. 🙂 Debbie

  5. This is a beautiful post. I’m happy for you and your family, and I’m glad you have a lot of support.

    (In case you’re curious, I found your post because you said the word “feel” a time or two, and it was collected by We Feel Fine.org, which I was exploring.) Oh, and yours was in the “Montage” section, which included a photo of your three girls.

    Best wishes to you!

  6. Among other things, I can really relate to your comments about the weirdness of having a c-section. Both of my girls were delivered through c-section and it was very surreal. I remember lying on the table, hearing my baby cry, and it broke my heart that I couldn’t just reach out my arms to hold her. That hour until she came into the recovery room felt like an eternity. I can’t even imagine how it must’ve hurt to see your babies in the NICU. But luckily the girls are healthy and strong! You make a beautiful family, and I think the girls are very lucky to have you and Tommy for parents!

  7. Congratulations! Wow! “You have your hands full” as my 3-year-old would say, & I tell her “Yes, very happy hands!” She is the 4th of five children, but I have been blessed to add them one at a time. Best wishes to you, & what beautiful girls they are!!

  8. Hi there. I’m a friend of Melissa’s, which is how I’ve come to read your blog for (admission) probably a year or so now. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate this post. We just had a baby two months ago and I am completely with you on mourning the loss of your relationship (and like a previous commenter said, we only had one!). I was not as prepared for it mentally as I thought it was and I felt a lot of guilt for experiencing that sadness in the midst of such joy. Anyway, it was nice for me to hear from my friends that it is a common thing, so I thought I’d make sure to comment and let you know you are not alone in that! I wish you and your family the best and have been and will continue to pray for you.

  9. i’d say tommy and joel tie for most hands-on daddies 🙂 i know a LOT of dads who aren’t that way, we are so lucky to have husbands that are!

    you are doing great, more for all three babies than many parents do for their one baby. keep it up!!

  10. What darling perfect babies. Missy, I can’t believe you had three babies in that tummy. You looked fabulous the whole, entire time!!! Hunt told me you look fabulous, now, too. Good genes, girl! I just want to snuggle these girls so badly! We haven’t really heard much from you, directly, and this has been very touching to hear about your take on all these events. Keep finding pleasure in those “stolen moments”, sweetie. Love you, so much!

  11. I am so absolutely thrilled for you! You have 3 amazing baby girls, each an individual beauty. I know that I have only met you a few times but you and Tom have an amazing relationship which has now grown in love to include those wonderful precious girls. Congratulations again.

  12. Your daughters are absolutely beautiful!! I can’t remember how I stumbled across your blog, but I’ve just spent the last 30 minutes catching up on your story and absolutely love it! The journey of infertility is not an easy one, and I always love hearing other people’s stories. My son was born the same day as your daughters were, and it was also my mom’s birthday – crazy! As a new mother of one, my heart goes out to you as you take care of your sweet babies…I have loads of respect and admiration for you! 🙂 Glad to “meet” you. 🙂

  13. Congrats Missy and Tommy! I just found your blog and I am so glad I did as I have been wondering about all of you! Missy, reading your post takes me back to 7 years ago when I had the twins. We were so blessed with a great, healthy pregnancy and no complications….but that feeling of mourning your relationship with your husband mixed with the joy and awe of your beautiful babies is overwhelming!!! I felt it too, and the guilt for feeling it, as well. It DOES get better. I won’t lie…this first year will be a blur for the rest of your life. Do your best to document everything with pictures and your blog as it will go so fast and you will have a hard time remembering what it is truly like. My mom lived with us for the first 6 weeks after the twins were born. She laughs when she hears me tell people that the first year wasn’t so bad. Apparently, I remember it through my rose-colored memory! 🙂
    The nursing thing…WAY TO GO for making it this long. I think I only made it 6 weeks with the girls as my production just couldn’t keep up. It was SOOOOOO hard to give up, but also the best decision I could have made for ALL of us. I was finally able to get some sleep and my emotions started getting under control again. The girls actually figured out what it meant to feel full. I believe in nursing, but also believe it is OK to stop if you need to!
    I also had a hard time saying good-bye to the classroom….that did not last long. You will become so entrenched in mommyhood and all the joys that go with it….the smiles and all the “firsts” that you will probably have to remind yourself that people are actually teaching during the months from Aug. – June. When you are ready, you will go back…I am finally there. You will be an even better teacher when that happens, too, as you will ahve a whole new perspective as a parent.
    I’ve rambled long enough…just wanted you to know that you are completely normal and it sounds like you are doing an amazing job! Those little girls are BEAUTIFUL!!!! Praise God for the beauty he has brought to this world through the 2 of you. Congrats, again!
    Susan

  14. Pingback: May 17th, 2010 – How I lived the time up to it and the 364 days after. | living in pursuit

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