Guilt.

Guilt was the one major thing that has occurred since the girls were born that I didn’t anticipate.  I knew that we would have our fair share of struggles having triplets, but the guilt factor has been one of the hardest for me.

I think of all the things we could do if the babies were born one at a time.  I see moms spoil their first borns with the perfect outfits and classes and non-stop devoted attention.  Those babies get snuggled whenever they want it without being intterupted by a screaming sister, get out of the house just to go shopping or to a playdate, and can splash all they want to in the bathtub without being stopped in fear of getting soap in another baby’s eye.

Simple things such as having your own birthday never seemed so important to me until I thought about how I would feel having to share my day.  There is nothing we can really do about this.  All three of our girls were born not only in one day, but within two minutes.  We really want to try not to tell them who was born first, second, and third, but we know it will be said.  We have thought about giving them their own day by including May 16th and May 18th and rotating who has their birthday first each year.  While this may sound really stupid to some people, it is one way we want to help the girls not feel like one in a “set” but important individuals.

While I may be laden with this guilt of having them all at once, I am also thankful that they will forever have a unique bond.  They will have each other to play with, to stick up for on the playground, and to share in the joys and sorrows of life with.  We also know that God knew we wanted more than one child, and more likely than not, that this pregnancy was my only shot at having biological children.

I just hope that they never resent  being a multiple.

At least they will be really really great at sharing.

Baptism day

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7 thoughts on “Guilt.

  1. Welcome to the world of parental guilt. From my years of experience (seven) I’ve determined I will over come the guilt arising from my imperfect parenting on about the second day of NeverHappen. Don’t worry, you do at least become used to it.

  2. I know the multiples thing is different, but I think there’s a certain level of this for every parent with more than one child. I still get a little misty thinking about another baby when Tennyson gets all the attention she wants right now. How on earth will I split my time with two? Or three?!

    You’re babies have something very special – LOTS of people to hold, love, care, feed, bathe and play with them. And they always will!

  3. The only thing you CAN do is allow them to choose as much for themselves as you can. Heck, they may PREFER dressing alike, playing the same sports, getting married on the same day like Dr. Brumback’s daughters. Either way, they have a much better chance at happiness simply because they have you and Missy parenting them and you are doing so with great attention to their feelings. It’s all good…just chill and enjoy!

  4. I agree that mommy guilt comes no matter what circumstances you have! Melissa, I felt guilt for Collin the WHOLE time I was pregnant with Lily! I felt for sure I was wrong to have wanted another child and mess up Collin’s whole life! The guilt of splitting my time now, of Lily not doing nearly as much as Collin did in his first year with mommy and me classes, playgroups, etc. etc. etc. It goes on and on as a momma and always will!
    Missy, you and Tom are giving those girls so much love and the fact that you are even thinking about how to give them their own birthdays is just one example of why they will NEVER resent being part of a trio! I promise you and know with all my heart they will love the fact they are triplets more times than they’ll dislike it. The triplet girls I had in first grade showed so much respect, kindness, empathy, and love for each other it made my heart warm each day! Jovie, Sienna, and Rowan are such special gifts to all who know them! Give yourself a break and know you are constantly doing your best! Love to you all! XOXO

  5. Oh my—how adorable are they and their Mommy and Daddy. Remember, the MOST important thing is to love the equally, be there for them, and show them how much Mommy and Daddy love each other and all else should fall into place..God bless you all–and stop stressing over what lies ahead–just take each day as it comes and you’ll and they’ll do just fine….hasn’t that been working out fairly well so far?
    love to all the family in Iowa!
    Barb

  6. hey Missy, I know this is an old post but I felt I could provide some insight,
    There were times growing up that I know I resented being a twin, we, of course, both pushed our individuality all the more because of this. However, looking back, there are exponentially more times that I loved having her beside me–someone who understood who I was and who was going through the same thing with me– the first day of school. puberty. the cat dying. awkward school dances. leaving for college… etc. etc. And sharing a birthday never bothered me much. The party was just bigger. But I guess I never could understand what I was missing in having a day to myself, until I got to college– it feels weird without her there. I don’t necessarily like it all to myself :/
    And the thing with who was born first or second or third will be for them to work out. The one who is born first has the “firstborn” rights. the second is the “mellow” middle. and the third one, gets to live longer. At least that is what Britt always said. It’s all silly, but they will find ways to manipulate the importance in their order of entrance to the world. All in all, I guess you could say that I was born at the same time as my best friend. well, a minute before 🙂
    Anna

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